if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
