I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
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Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
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I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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