I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
