After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
