i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
