His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
