If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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