Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
