My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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