i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
