she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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