I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
