Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
