Im at strip club and am horny
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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