we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
