Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
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