I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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