Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
