Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
