so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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