just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
