i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
