party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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