Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
