college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
