Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
