I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
