i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
