I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Less talking, more tequila
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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