Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
