Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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