All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
