Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
