I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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