One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
