My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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