All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Boobs are out for the taking
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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