In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
