What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
