i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize