1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
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Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
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Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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