Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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