I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize