Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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