I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
