im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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