Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
