Where is the hickey?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
