Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
