Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
