Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
