I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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