We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
