matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
