a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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