If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
