"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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