I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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