thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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