I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
