Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
