Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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