WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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