I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
