I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
