I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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