If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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