The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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