I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
