i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
