I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
