# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
