the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
