i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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