Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
