Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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