You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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