sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
